Beach Bum

This lack of sun is making me really want summer. 

WHERE IS IT!!!

Thoughts of summer make me think of warm beaches and lakes. Beaches and lakes make me think of...

Swimwear. Oh good god NO!

I am so white.

I am so out of shape...I am so...

Doomed.

Instead of cry...I thought it may be fun to do a what NOT to wear to the beach and a what TO wear to the beach. 

(Yes I do have time for this. American Idol is 2 hrs. and approx. 30 min of that is commercials. I am a PVR gal so this post may be short. Or not...)

What NOT to wear...

***No offence to anyone who may own/wear/want any of these items or have worn these items***

I am torn between the Lion full piece and the Corona Bikini as being my fave for inappropriate beach wear.

Corona...REALLY? Hmm....okay I could see it if I was 20. Maybe. Nooo.

Hell NO.

Then there is the Lucille Ball throwback polka dot number...wrong. You will look like a table cloth people. If you crave that vintage feel see the number below. 

Then there are the suits with Zippers and Neoprene (full on 80's style), Suites with Gold, more 80's Pastel with ruffels and Miami Vice nods. Of course there is the ever popular animal print number too. Looks like bra and panties to me. 

All of these should be left at home in the back yard along with the Cans of Bud and Sexy Tanning Lotion.

Word.

Do I need to comment on the Paris Hilton Suit? You know the one I am referring to above. Do I even need to mention the bad tan lines that suit would give you? Or the sand that will get in your heels when you run across the beach to fetch your kids, when catching a Frisbee with your boyfriend or making your way to the lou?

*Snort* *Snort* snicker, snicker.

{This is fun}

Now on to the good stuff...or how I see it.

What TO Wear...

Tunes on the iphone. 

Flips (not thongs...forget that word. People call them flip FLOPS now). Any colour will do. So many flavours. 

Get a hat...a big one. I am talking BIG no matter how foolish and stupid you feel. There is nothing sexy or cute about skin cancer.  Lather the SPF again and again. Then repeat.

I want the Ray Ban aviators. Bad. 

So bad I should have made them bigger in this picture.  

{Mr. Man reads this blog too...hint hint...my Birthday's coming}

I need to wear prescription eyewear so they are mucho $$. I wish I could just pop into any store and buy buy buy all the sunglasses I wanted, but alas...I can't. Well I could, but then I couldn't drive, see, read etc. 

I love the aviators because they are classic, timeless and go with everything. 100% UVB protection too. Yes please.

I am loving stripes this season. LOVING them...especially the full bottom bikini above. Meow.

I am going to be rocking the tankini myself this season as I have a few imperfections to hide. I also really liked the red full piece above. I think the cut would be flattering on a curvy gal or that skinny bitch.

The polka dot vintage one (see blue one above) is also a flattering choice as it will cover all the nasties, the halter helps the boobs and the fabric is forgiving (not tight or clingy). 

{Do I sound like I know what I am talking about? Even a little bit?}

I think the Chanel polish is a timeless colour and will really help to pop the tan. The straw bag will hold the sunscreen, towel, water, snacks, gum and book. May get a little sandy though. Hmmm....

Whatever you choose to wear this year to the beach, lake, pool, river, hot tub...make sure you ROCK it.

Besides a really good sunscreen, CONFIDENCE when in your suit is all you really need.

{oh...and those aviators.  Right Mr.Man???}

E